My birth story: a positive home birth and why you should always ask why!

Another birthday another blog post - I’ve started a wee tradition now so I thought I would just keep it going.

Aila Elizabeth Maria Millar turns two today! By the way I know, too many middle names but we didn’t know we would have a number four and we really wanted to use both granny’s names (two of the most special ladies you can imagine) for middle names. So it is what it is.

This girl is WILD - if there is something to climb on not made for climbing she’s right in about it. And if she’s not climbing things she’s carrying the heaviest or most random object around or jumping off things without even looking who will catch her or what will break her fall. Such a funny wee person. And a total daddy’s girl, I’ve not got a look in when John’s about, she’s stuck to him like glue - a special wee bond for sure.

I actually found out I was pregnant with Aila before we went into the very first Covid lockdown in March 2020. Being pregnant in a pandemic was something else, it was such a different experience from my older two. Thankfully for me I went through it all with my bestie, which I’ve wrote about in one of my other blog posts, so that definitely helped. It was also pretty helpful not to have to physically go into work when feeling sick as a dog in the first trimester - although zoom meetings with a then four and six year old climbing all over me were a whole new challenge.

As soon as I found out I was pregnant I knew I wanted to have an unmedicated homebirth - it was something I’d had with my older daughter Orla five years earlier and although unplanned in that case it had given me much more of an understanding and appreciation of physiological birth. It had also given me a huge amount of confidence in my body and its ability to birth a baby. And not to mention the fact that Orla arrived pretty quickly and I really wasn’t sure if I would make it to hospital anyway, so home just seemed the most sensible option.

I had read up a little bit on hypnobirthing when I was pregnant with Orla but after that experience I knew it was for me and so this time I went all in. I did an amazing full day course with a wonderful lady Gem Nealon, I loved doing it that way because I really switched off for that full day and immersed myself in the pregnancy and preparing for the birth. And I practised every single day after the course listening to the audios and working on my mindset, watching positive birth videos, and reading positive birth stories. I also really questioned things in my care I might not have in the past, I became an advocate for myself, which I’ll come onto later. I also made my home into a really cosy little ‘nest’ and it was quite easy because she was a winter baby so I had all my twinkly little lights and later the Christmas tree, it felt really special.

I also joined the Home Birth Support Group UK on facebook - if you’ve not heard of this group and are considering a home birth, even if its just a vague thought at the moment I can’t recommend this group enough. Samantha Gadsden, a doula and birth activist based in Wales runs the group and is just the most incredible human, she tirelessly works to educate and support women in birth and just in general. Hearing all the positive home birth stories as well as challenges faced by many of the women on the group and how they had overcome them by educating themselves and asking the right questions about their care was so inspiring. I actually think the group is a great resource even if not planning a home birth to be honest.

So onto Aila’s birth story:

At 40+11 I was due to see my midwife again, having declined any sweeps or induction up to this point. Midwife called the night before to ask if I would be happy to go in for a scan and monitoring. I thought about this as wasn’t sure it was necessary at that stage (I had thought +14 is when I would accept this). I really wasn’t concerned at all and had complete confidence in my baby coming when ready, especially since I wasn’t even technically ‘overdue’ yet; but I was also equally as happy to have an extra scan so we decided to go for it and were completely comfortable to continue with the pregnancy unless of course any emergency situation had been detected.

Scan and monitoring were all great, the monitoring showed tightenings every 10 mins or so which I was feeling but not painful at all at this point. I also had a bit of ‘show’ whilst in the hospital. Myself and the midwife were confident baby would be born at some point that day. I was offered a sweep which I declined as I had to drive home and was concerned this would kick things off too quickly - plus I hadn’t really wanted one all along anyway and it seemed even more unnecessary now things were already moving along.

Got home about 12 noon and went to bed to watch a movie, ordered food from subway and ate that around 1pm. The tightenings were starting to feel like actual contractions by this point but still 10-15 mins apart and not too painful. Put the TENS machine on around 2pm, I found this really helpful for giving me something else to focus on and would really recommend one, although I think it is a personal thing if you find them helpful or not. Took the TENS off about 4pm to have a bath which I stayed in for about an hour and then put it back on again.

Between 5-8pm things ramped up in terms of the intensity of the contractions but they still weren’t following the 3 in 10 pattern. With my second birth they also didn’t follow that pattern so I decided at 8pm to call the midwife and ask them to come out and give me a check over. I explained about my previous birth and that I was keen to avoid a BBA (born before arrival of midwife) this time around. I also got my husband to fill the pool up 2/3 so we could top up quickly once needed.

Midwife’s arrived at 8.45pm the contractions were a lot closer together by this point and very intense. I consented to a vaginal examinaton which found I was 2cm dilated and cervix was still very high. The midwife said I had quite a way to go yet and they would look to go away and come back but would hang about until 9.45pm just to observe how things went. Honestly, I absolutely lost it at this point having kept very calm until then - transition I know now, which is important to know about as this ‘I can’t do it’ feeling can be a normal stage of birth at the very end and often means the baby is close.

Things ramped up after this and a couple of contractions later I ripped the TENS off in very dramatic fashion and threw it across the room just then my waters broke again in very dramatic fashion. The next contraction I felt the need to squat which I did and I started to feel the head coming down. I told the midwife who came over to check and looked very shocked when the head actually was there. Head and body were both out within 8 mins from waters breaking. I absolutely roared the place down and it definitely wasn’t the quiet serene experience some of the birth videos depict, never even got near the pool either, but it was absolutely incredible and so empowering. Aila was born weighing 8lb 11, exactly the same weight as her big sister Orla and the same length too. She was absolutely perfect.

I was so delighted I had planned and had a homebirth and my husband was amazing too, it was his first baby and he was nervous not to be in hospital but he was incredible and I think my confidence about it being the right choice really helped him to feel more comfortable with it. I didn’t have a lot of negativity or pressure at all from professionals but honestly if I hadn’t done the hypnobirthing classes and accessed the homebirth support group and known questions to ask things could have been really different, which I’ll explain below. One thing I did learn from the birth itself although really straightforward is that the vaginal examination was completely pointless and in terms of mindset more of a hinderance than anything else.

Now I want to talk a bit about how Aila’s birth could have been quite a different experience had I not been prepared antenatally in terms of the hypnobirthing course and the practise that followed; and supported through Sam’s homebirth group. I want to talk about this because I think it is so important that you know you can question your care, it’s a message I am so passionate about sharing.

At just under 24 weeks I got up for the toilet in the morning and as I walked to the toilet I felt something warm running down my leg. When I got to the bathroom I found it was blood, and not just a little of it either, a huge and very significant amount of blood. I just froze and then called the labour ward who in turn sent an ambulance. I sat in the ambulance and was absolutely certain my baby was gone, there was no way with all this blood that things were going to be ok. One of my best friends had lost her beautiful baby boy just weeks earlier and I thought we were facing the same fate. When we arrived at hospital I was quickly hooked up to a monitor and to our utter disbelief a heartbeat was found! Relief but also confusion about what this meant, why all the blood and was our baby going to be ok? What followed were a rollercoaster couple of days starting off in the local hospital St John’s then being transferred to another hospital at the Edinburgh Royal Infirmary because they were equipped to care for the baby at this early stage if she had to be born. I can’t tell you how much of a sobering experience it is meeting with the doctors from neonatal to discuss how they will look after your baby and the possible implications if she is born soon. These people are honestly incredible and this is what medical intervention should be for. I am so grateful for the way we were looked after by them.

And even more (eternally) grateful that after a few days stay in hospital the bleeding had stopped, serious reasons like placental abruption were ruled out and we were able to continue the pregnancy as normal. When I say normal we were definitely battered and bruised emotionally from the experience but all was going to be well. Because of the bleed I was offered additional scans in my pregnancy and I was very happy to accept these, it gave me great reassurance to see the baby growing normally and that lovely blood flow to the placenta. As well as the scans I was invited to speak to a consultant.

The consultant recommended against homebirth as due to the bleed I was at more risk of a postpartum haemorrhage. The first thing I did was think back to my hypnobirthing and so I asked the consultant to explain the risks to me and also to refer me to evidence and the actual statistics to support the recommendation. And he could not. He actually said that consultants tend to ‘go on gut instinct’ and he didn’t have the statistics to hand. How then could he state I was at ‘more risk’? I agreed to another chat and in the meantime did my own research by contacting the AIMS Helpline, a really valuable resource where they can provide unbiased information about studies and evidence etc. Based on the information they provided I was more than happy to continue with my homebirth plans. The next call with the consultant was interesting and he actually said I was ‘at no greater risk of haemorrhage’ (excuse me what?). He did say he would still recommend birthing in hospital and ‘as a compromise’ we could induce at 39 weeks. I’m not going to assume how my birth would have gone if I had accepted the offer of induction but I can say with absolute certainty it would not have been the same birth I actually had. And for someone whose babies have all been born at 41+3 and 41+4 I am certain she would not have been ‘ready’ fully at that stage.

This is why I am so passionate about giving others the tools to advocate for themselves in their pregnancies and for their births - because the advice given is not always right for your specific circumstances. Never be scared to ask questions about your care, ask for the evidence, the statistics, check it out with the likes of AIMS and make sure that the decisions you are making belong to you.